The Maionese Manifesto

The other day, I was buying some mayonnaise. I put it on basically everything: rice salad, fries, burgers, and yeah, even on pizza (hey, what do you expect from a Marche guy?).

But as I held that jar, I had an epiphany.

"When life gives you mayonnaise, don't just put it on something! GET MAD!"

I don't want your basic, run-of-the-mill grocery store mayo!

Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your wallet down! With the mayonnaise.

I'm getting my designers to invent a limited-edition collectible mayo, complete with exclusive acrylic stands, keychains, plushies and so on... that will absolutely obliterate your bank account.

And we're not stopping there. I’m going to fund the most massive, mind-blowing live 3D VTuber concerts you've ever seen, with giant holographic stages sponsored entirely by our jars! Our VTubers will perform live on screen, and you'll bankrupt yourselves fighting for front-row VIP tickets and pre-ordering signed merch before it sells out in seconds.

I'm going to burn your savings!
With the mayonnaise.